Can men and women be "just" friends?

Ahh, the age old question, can men and women "just " be friends? First I have to ask, why is this a question? Why do so many want to neglect what is natural and how we are wired, to work so hard to create the false premise that it is possible for men and women to be just friends.

In this video shot on a college campus, students go out and interview both male and female students asking them this question, can men and women be "just" friend? What you see clearly is that the female students happy declared "YES" while the men snickered and answered in the negative. When the women are asked specifically if that male friend of theirs is interested in them, they sheepishly say yes to that as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=T_lh5fR4DMA

What happened to a time when men and women acknowledged who we are, and acted accordingly. We were careful not to put ourselves in a predicament for questionable things to happen, such as a male and female student who are just "friends" studying late into the night in one or the others dorm room, and the moment provides itself for a one night stand, and depending on each of their relationship status, as well their relationship, has been changed forever.

In Judaism there are laws of "yichud"
Yichud is loosely translated as seclusion. Meaning there are very specific laws about a man and woman not married to each other and what situations of privacy or seclusion are OK are which are not. This is not to say that all men are animals, it is simply acknowledging that everyone has this weakness, it is how G-d made us.

Why are we such a generation of denial?

Oddly Organized, Sometimes

Everyone has their way of doing things. I am pretty particular about where things are in my kitchen, which knives are used for what, and don't even get me started about which pots and pans go on which burner. Now don't get me wrong, my pot tops are always hard to find in the pot cabinet, but the point is, it's my pot cabinet and I can find to top I need every time.

Now there is nothing I enjoy more than when the house is sparkling and everything is in order, but in all honestly, its a small house with three kids that situation only lasts a short time. I feel like I am constantly cleaning up and picking up, and I am. That's just how it is with little ones, with lots going on.
I wouldn't call myself messy, but not meticulously organized to the "T".

Today I was getting some clothes together to send it to my sister for her young son, and I pulled out an adorable cardigan, but I noticed that it was missing a button, what a shame. But then I jumped up and got my button box! It is a small organizer box with small sections and every time I buy something with extra buttons I put it in that box, and low and behold! I found the button from the cardigan, 4 years later! I safety pinned it to the label on the cardigan and packed it into the box and sent it off.

My husband made a comment that he was so impressed, especially since it was so not like either of us. But why is it not like either of us? Just because my house doesn't look picture perfect like I would like it to all the time, doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the meticulous organization of the Stepford wives?

That made me start to think, is perfection always needed, or is it something that needs to be there at the right time, and that's good enough? Are we striving for perfection or just getting by? And perfection to one, may not be perfection to another.
So as I stay up waay past the time the rest of the house has gone to sleep, and I pick up more toys in the dining room, wash more dishes and wipe down the counters again, I look at my little piles that adorn many corners in my house and think, if I know what is in that pile, that makes it semi-organized.

How much can we simply rely on another person’s advice?

So this past weekend we had an interesting conversation at out Shabbat table, to vaccinate or not.

And what I realized was most apparent was that no one really knew the details of either opinion, they were simply following the advice of those that they trusted, either their doctors and the government agency's that over see vaccines, or scientists and naturalists who see vaccines as a dangerous thing for people. One person made a very good point and said that no one at the table would knowingly do something harmful to their child, and that we were all simply following someone else's advice.

This made me wonder, how many other things are we simply following because the person telling us seems trustworthy? Is that a practical way of running our lives?

When I look at my life of Torah observance I see a child raised in a wonderful loving warm home that adhered to the strict rules of Jewish law. I also had the unique opportunity to grow up in a non-religious community. So I was no stranger to the world at large. All my friends were of non-religious backgrounds; our neighborhood was primarily not Jewish at all. My father is a Chaplin at a University so we constantly had students from all walks of life in our home. I was far from a sheltered child.

However I did continue to follow in my parent’s way. But there is a day that truly sticks out in my mind, I don't remember the date but I do remember where I was. It was that day that I made a decision for myself; I was going to continue to lead a religious life, not simply because this is what I had been told, but because this is what I truly wanted for myself. I had asked the questions, I had gotten answers. I was able to think thing through for myself. I saw this path as the right one for me I was also adamant to continue to ask questions when I felt necessary.

I have to say that although the secular world often looks at the religious as the ones who are forced into something, as the ones who know no other way than what they are taught; I am going to have to disagree with that. I of course did not grow up in a traditional religious community, but even those who do; you have to be living under a rock to not know simply what is going on in the rest of the world. I think it was partially the knowledge of "what was out there" that made me reaffirm that this is what I wanted for myself. Now don't think I don't know about the very very secluded and closed religious communities, yes those do exist and are really as closed as you imagine them to be, but they are not the majority.

Take the large religious communities in Boro Park for example, as tight as they are, these people shop in Manhattan. They see a very strong element of the general world. Sure they may not know the hottest movie stars, but they know about the way most people dress, eat, and even hear the latest music over the loud speakers.

If you look at the average secular teenager, they have no idea at all as to what a religious lifestyle looks like. Not about what they wear, how they eat, and for sure not any of their music. And once taking that into consideration it makes you wonder who the sheltered ones are?

Beging thankful is good for your health!

"Who is rich? He who is happy with what he has." If I have heard this once, I have heard it a thousand times, and it always manages to hit the spot, you know why? Because it is true. And time and time again life has taught us this.

So if that's the case, who did they have to go and spend the time and money to do a study on it?

Seriously! http://www.poughkeepsiejournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2011311230014

Ok so this study gives it a twist, "Giving thanks is good for your health," but I think I could have come to that conclusion without the study. For example, if you happy, then you are probably less stressed, and if you are not stressed your blood pressure is lower. There I figured that out all by myself.

On a serious note, we can't really knock something good in the news that may possibly have a positive effect on people. I mean can you imagine that after reading this people might actually say "thank you" more often? I can't, but I wish they did.

And isn't it ironic, and this is something that was pointed out in a friends Facebook update, that Americans go out and shop like crazy the day after we go on and on about how thankful we are for what we have? I guess our gratitude is pretty short lived.

Have you been to the mall or even to the grocery store lately? They are literally dangling things in front of your face to buy. And this whole push to begin shopping for gifts started way before Thanksgiving. So how can we make such a fuss about being thankful, when before we even give the superficial thanks, we are drooling about what we want to buy?

Wouldn't it be nice if there were more stores like Nordstrom, and not for the reason you think. They promised not to begin to December shopping push until after Thanksgiving. What a relief! Now more stores need to follow the example.

Will that happen? I am doubtful. Not because they think they make so much more money if they get the rush on in early November, but because as a society we are so driven by materialistic things that we can't help ourselves. Sad.

But I don't think that we are lost, we can change if we want to. Putting our foot down, taking hold of ourselves and especially by teaching our kids that they don't need everything they see or everything their friend has.

Maybe in 20 years being truly thankful won’t be a novelty and they won’t have to write articles about it in the paper.

Take a few minutes to think about what we are truly thankful for, the big things and the seemingly small things. I am sure I am not the only one who got and earful from my parents about when they were little they didn’t have ……. (fill in the blank). We don’t have to look back to see people who really don’t have, we can look in our schools and our communities. It may not be obvious; people try to hide what they are lacking to keep their dignity. Try to do discretely help someone and I am sure that not only will that make you feel great, but you will also feel so much more thankful what you do have. Not to mention you will be healthier!

I read a report about a new test that can be done on pregnant women that can test for the most prevalent type of down syndrome. The study doesn’t spell it out, but it does say that what we may be facing is a world without down syndrome people.

Well the affect of this test is pretty obvious; it will lead to more abortions because couples will not want to have a child with down syndrome. It’s not like this test is going to offer an opportunity to correct the condition, just to notify the person about it.

I was talking about this test with a woman I know, she also happens to be a Special Ed teacher, and she said that she had a similar test done when she was pregnant, they told her that her child was going to be down syndrome, and when the child was born he was completely healthy. She said that even knowing that the child would be downs, she did not want to abort the pregnancy, but the nervousness that it caused was overwhelming. However, so many other people would unfortunately have aborted after such news. In her case it would have been doubly sad because the test was wrong. How can we depend on such tests as the base to such a huge decision? How accurate can these get? And really who are we to say that a child with a special need is not perfect in his or her own way?

I, as a religious woman do not believe in recreational abortion. I define recreational abortion as - a woman who decides to be promiscuous, gets pregnant accidentally and decides to abort the pregnancy simply because she doesn’t feel like having a child. On a side note, the term “pregnant accidentally” is the biggest joke in the book. An accident is when the outcome of an action is unexpected; pregnancy is the natural effect of sexual relations. When it comes to be a life threatening situation for the mother, and it is a choice of mother or baby, an abortion is the proper thing to do. And in cases of Rape or incest a competent knowledgeable halachic (Jewish law) authority needs to contacted.

To judge someone else is not the right thing to do. And I am not trying to judge, just to bring something to light that some people may not have heard about, and to bring something to the front to be discussed that may otherwise not be discussed. It is a difficult topic for sure, but we need to ask ourselves these important questions.

So really is this a good thing? Is this how we want to use the amazing powers of science? To simply get rid of that which may not seem perfect our human eyes?

To read the full article click on the link below

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/opedcolumnists/the_end_of_down_syndrome_yetA47ZB9s5Rzg0Fjbb5QM#ixzz1dawSMVLi

An oldie, but a goodie

Change, everything is changing constantly. From when I was a child to now the world looks so different! If a kid from the 80’s traveled in time to today, I think they would be pretty surprised and over whelmed. While today’s 4 year old can find their way around an iPad, the 4 year old of the 80’s could find their way around a doodle pad with a marker. So much else has changed, cars, phones, Internet, computers, and many many technological devices that I don’t even know what they are.

It’s been a while since I was in grade school, and now that my son is in Nursery I am once again beginning to get ready for those school years again, but how things have changed!

When I was a kid handwriting was a very serious subject. Besides practicing cursive to classical music (yes I am serious) our handwriting was part of the grade for everything that we wrote which was handed in. I wont even get into the calligraphy and fountain pens, ink everywhere!

Today schools have changed; they have evolved with all the technology that is available. One of the things that have changed in school is that handwriting is no longer a main focus. With computer readily available, teachers are more concerned with kids being up-to-date and proficient with this modern basic tool.

This is a great article about the benefits of writing by hand, and the negative effects not writing by hand is having on societies.

http://theweek.com/article/index/207846/how-writing-by-hand-makes-kids-smarter#.Tr8Z2DWo09E.facebook

Is change always good? What about the saying “An oldie, but a goodie”. Can’t we move ahead without getting rid of the older stuff? Sometimes we don't realise we have made a mistake in getting rid of something until it is too late!

Getting a bargain

Is there anything more stereotypical than a Jewish woman who loves a bargain? No, but what’s wrong with that? For me getting a deal literally gives me a rush, I get giddy like a little kid eating ice cream.

This morning I was at a playgroup and chatting with a friend about shopping and our latest finds when another woman I knew, not Jewish, came over. “I love chatting with you girls, you always have great shopping advice, and don’t think you have to be Jewish to like a bargain, we shiksas like to save money too”. When you meet this woman, trust me, you will love her.

There is a Yiddish saying “A metziah far a ganuf – a bargain even for a thief”. Although it loses some of its oomph in translation, the idea is that sometimes a deal is so good, even a thief would be lucky to find it

I just recently got a new cell phone, a smart phone specifically, and one of the neat features that sold me was the shopping app that scans barcodes and tells you the cheapest place to get it, how neat! I no longer have to run from store to store, or even compare weekly flyers; I think it may become my new best friend.

I could write about finding bargains ect, but why should I do that when there are so many great sites out there that do a fantastic job

This is one site I find fun:

http://bargainjewess.com/2011/11/how-to-be-a-budget-fashionista/

Now if the regular person, with putting in just a bit of effort, can live on a budget, get awesome bargains and deals for everyday valuable stuff, why is it the politicians feel the need to always over pay, and spend money is such odd ways? I mean honestly, let me take a congress person shopping and teach them how to get a good bargain, Sheesh!

Hero Worship - have we gone too far?

It’s all over the news and we can’t get away from it, so I have chosen to address it, the abuse scandal at Penn State University. There are so many things that strike a pretty deep cord with me, but one thing that I am really having a hard time with are those who are protesting the firing of Coach Paterno, the head coach to whom the abuse was initially reported. He did his basic duty to report it to his higher ups, but that’s it. He did not continue to see it through that the person responsible for this abuse be fired and reported to police.

If we put ourselves in the shoes of someone close to the victims, would we not want anyone in a position of authority to do whatever it takes to see justice prevail? How can people cry that it’s not his fault, that he did his basic duty, sometimes the basics are just not good enough.

Is it only me who seems to think that anyone in a celebrity position goes by a completely different set of rules. Had he been a regular guy who did not go directly to the police, the public would be furious! Simply because he is a celebrity sports figure we should let it slide? It’s so sad how we see this all the time. It seems that the regular code of conduct as well as laws don’t apply to politicians and celebrities, if they slip up, they can get a slap on the wrist and go on their way.

It should be the total opposite! Someone who holds a spot in the public eye must be more particular about their conduct and needs to be held to the highest standards. For better or for worse these are the people that our society looks up to, we put them on a pedestal. If they shatter that platform they need to rebuild it, with showing they can be trusted, not by simply getting on a new one.

Each and everyone one of us needs to evaluate how we look at our chosen “celebrities” whoever they may be. We need to be the ones who hold them responsible; we can’t depend on the next person, or the media to do the right thing. It has to start with each and every one of us. And when the message becomes clear that we won’t put up with false heroes, then real ones will emerge that we can truly look up to and be proud of.

Expecting child #20 (and I don't mean me)

Have you seen this article?

http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/08/showbiz/celebrity-news-gossip/duggars-expecting-20th-child-ppl/index.html?hpt=hp_bn7



Where to begin! So many things come to mind when I read this article. Firstly, why is it the media and the worlds business what this couple chooses to do with their family, but of course they have put themselves out there on their show, so they must be expecting as well as welcoming it. The more the frenzy, the more the publicity the better for their show.



So big families, lots of kids, what do you think about that? I myself have 3 kids and am expecting my fourth. Many would say that is a large family, and of course they ask me, are you going to have more?!?!?! Truth be told that’s no one’s business and I can plan whatever I want, but talk to someone who has dealt with secondary infertility and you know that only G-d can plan what will be.



So the answer to will I have more, I usually tell people," We are aiming for 50 and we will see how close we get".

But truthfully I can't say that I have a plan drafted and laid out like I did when we put in our kitchen, each inch there needed to be exact. When you are talking about a child it is a precious little life and each family and situation is different and constantly changing.



When I started having children as each one, or two in my case when the twins were born, I cherished each moment, concentrated and caring for that child and my family as best I could. Was I thinking, what about the next one? No. I was giving my family at that stage the care it needed.



I am not going to talk about birth control, because that is a whole discussion to itself, and is not a one word answer. However in this article it does touch on medical conditions. As any religious woman or Rabbi would tell you, we must listen to our doctors. If you are unsure about what one says, consult another doctor. But when it comes to expanding our families the physical and emotional state of the mother specifically is of utmost importance. Every birth is high risk, we may not realize it but in the last 100 years there has been incredible medical advances and infant mortality as well as dying in child birth is waaaaay down. There are those who even have the custom to bench gomel, say the special blessing that one says when they experience something life threatening.



So we realize that pregnancy and birth is not simple, but we also must look at what it is, it is incredible! Firstly do you realize that it is only a woman who can carry a child? And it is truly the closest a human being can come to doing an act of G-d, creating something from nothing. A child starts from two small cells, and it is only within the woman’s womb that a baby can form. To me that is so empowering! One woman I told this too was really touched by that. She said she didn't feel empowered until she made her own money, and that was way after her kids were born. In retrospect she said she wished she had appreciated it more as apposed to getting their younger years over with so she could get to work.



How do you do it? People ask me all the time, and I only have 3 kids. Well simply, I just do. My kids are my first priority; my day is centered around their schedules, and other things I need to do have to be fit in. But it isn't about how many kids you have, because I have seen parent with 2 kids who cannot manage, and parents of 10 whose homes run like a well oiled machine.



What do you think about large families? Do you have a large family? What do you consider a large family? I would love to hear from you!

Ladies, let your voice be heard, go out and vote!

Bina Yeseira nitna li'isha - An extra understanding was given to women

We ladies were given a gift, an femanine intuition. Today is election day. Although it is not a "major" election, it mostly centers around county, city and town elections, it is still important.
These are officials who have a very direct effect on our daily lives and our families.
So please don't brush it off, you still have 4 hours to get to the polls.

Why is it that society was able to convince women that they need to act like men to be an equal with them? if has to be the best marketing scheme ever. For hundreds, if not thousands of years men in all cultures have looked at women as a second class citizen simply because they were not men. 

Imagine today if it was the other way around!

Men fighting to be able to stay home with and not be scorned for it. Millions of dollars would be going into research so that men could become pregnant and nurse babies. Men would constantly be told that they should get more in touch with their feminine side and try to come off as softer. the list can go on and on.

What is wrong with being different, but equal? G-d made the world in such a way that both male and female in their respective roles are needed to make the world go ‘round

In religion too, we each have a special job to do, we each have a special mission, and it is because of who we are, either male of female that that mission is appropriate and possible.

Noone would ever say that men and women are the same physically, mentally or emotionally, so why do we have to be the same spiritually? We don't! and we're not!

Judaism sees men and women as two unique partners needed and necessary to fulfill the intention of the world.

This article on Jewishwoman.org really sums it up well

http://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/376141/jewish/I-Am-Woman.htm

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog! Thanks for stopping by.

Who am I you might wonder? Well I am an orthodox Jewish woman who loves and feels passionate about my traditional lifestyle. I am also a modern woman who does not see a conflict between my ancient religious traditions and my role in this fast paced modern contemporary world.

It pains me to see so many negative misconceptions about Jewish women in my position, that I have started this blog to dispel some of those, the best I can. I will be posting about a variety of topics, if you have something you would like me to address, let me know!

Please comment and offer your feedback, I would love to hear from you!