Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Expecting child #20 (and I don't mean me)

Have you seen this article?

http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/08/showbiz/celebrity-news-gossip/duggars-expecting-20th-child-ppl/index.html?hpt=hp_bn7



Where to begin! So many things come to mind when I read this article. Firstly, why is it the media and the worlds business what this couple chooses to do with their family, but of course they have put themselves out there on their show, so they must be expecting as well as welcoming it. The more the frenzy, the more the publicity the better for their show.



So big families, lots of kids, what do you think about that? I myself have 3 kids and am expecting my fourth. Many would say that is a large family, and of course they ask me, are you going to have more?!?!?! Truth be told that’s no one’s business and I can plan whatever I want, but talk to someone who has dealt with secondary infertility and you know that only G-d can plan what will be.



So the answer to will I have more, I usually tell people," We are aiming for 50 and we will see how close we get".

But truthfully I can't say that I have a plan drafted and laid out like I did when we put in our kitchen, each inch there needed to be exact. When you are talking about a child it is a precious little life and each family and situation is different and constantly changing.



When I started having children as each one, or two in my case when the twins were born, I cherished each moment, concentrated and caring for that child and my family as best I could. Was I thinking, what about the next one? No. I was giving my family at that stage the care it needed.



I am not going to talk about birth control, because that is a whole discussion to itself, and is not a one word answer. However in this article it does touch on medical conditions. As any religious woman or Rabbi would tell you, we must listen to our doctors. If you are unsure about what one says, consult another doctor. But when it comes to expanding our families the physical and emotional state of the mother specifically is of utmost importance. Every birth is high risk, we may not realize it but in the last 100 years there has been incredible medical advances and infant mortality as well as dying in child birth is waaaaay down. There are those who even have the custom to bench gomel, say the special blessing that one says when they experience something life threatening.



So we realize that pregnancy and birth is not simple, but we also must look at what it is, it is incredible! Firstly do you realize that it is only a woman who can carry a child? And it is truly the closest a human being can come to doing an act of G-d, creating something from nothing. A child starts from two small cells, and it is only within the woman’s womb that a baby can form. To me that is so empowering! One woman I told this too was really touched by that. She said she didn't feel empowered until she made her own money, and that was way after her kids were born. In retrospect she said she wished she had appreciated it more as apposed to getting their younger years over with so she could get to work.



How do you do it? People ask me all the time, and I only have 3 kids. Well simply, I just do. My kids are my first priority; my day is centered around their schedules, and other things I need to do have to be fit in. But it isn't about how many kids you have, because I have seen parent with 2 kids who cannot manage, and parents of 10 whose homes run like a well oiled machine.



What do you think about large families? Do you have a large family? What do you consider a large family? I would love to hear from you!

4 comments:

  1. Large is relative. I have 3 children and I think that is a LARGE family. I was raised in a family of 7 and always thought we had an average size family, and for the religious community we did. I believe the most important thing to remember is its not only your job to birth these children but to care for them and raise them to be good adults. Very often people who love to have babies forget this part...having 20 children...in my eyes I cannot for my life understand how someone would be able to raise that many children. But...I may be wrong.

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  2. I think every child is a gift from G-d who's not really yours - he's a soul who chose to be with you because you are the best parents to help him achieve his potential in this world. I also believe every Jewish child is another "revenge" against those who have tried to slaughter us throughout the years. So, I think every Jew should have as many kids as possible as long as it doesn't compromise the health (both mental and physical) of the mother and the care of each child.

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  3. I'm 1 of 8 kids. Growing up that was a kind of large family. Anything less was so small, and everything more was a HUGE family. Now that I'm married with one baby 8 kids is a lot. We'll see what G-d has planned for me and I'll find out what really is a big family.

    I have always found being a womanly woman empowering. The first time I was able to nurse my baby without issue was amazing for me. Now that she's weaned I feel free. I love my connection with my daughter even more now that I'm not shackled to my daughter. I know shackled is a strong word but sometimes that's how I felt. I needed to be around for her to be able to eat. I wasn't able to just get a babysitter and go out. I'm empowered because I carried my child and now I'm raising her. But I feel more empowered because I am also living a life for myself and taking care of myself.
    I love the word empowered. It's a strong word and I feel I am a stronger person when I use it.
    This may have become kind of rambley so I'm going to end now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. :-)

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  4. As someone who has experienced infertility, I know firsthand that each and every child is a gift from G-d. My husband and I were able to have triplets thanks to today's medical technology. However, the ease with which our kids were concieved (once we knew which medical intervention was needed) and their amazing qualities are huge reminders that this is what G-d wanted for us! Yes, I wanted a "larger" family, but "you get what you get, and you don't get upset." Thank G-d I have 3 beautiful, brilliant children!

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